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Joke of the Day

"You know why you can't play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards!"

"If you play Apple's Beatle announcement backwards it says ""I can't believe you don't know how to download music illegally"""

"If my mouth could get pregnant, an entire box of fudge-pops would be taking paternity tests."

"Why would anyone come on Twitter JUST to argue? Don't you have an ex, or a spouse, or a family member that you can argue with?"

"Five American states that vaguely resemble Indian cuisine when spelled backwards: Aksala, Nogero, Sasnakra, Ohadi, Hatu."

"I'm starting to think my Girlfriend doesn't like me anymore. Last time we talked on the phone.. she told me she had to go cause there was a telemarketer on the other line"

"What did the x-axis say to the y-axis? This is my domain"

"*girl smokes weed 1 time doesnt even get high* *spends next 3 days drawing mushrooms with highlighters*"

"Shutdown Apocalypse Update: GPS is down. Using a refrigerator magnet as a compass. I think it's just pointing to another refrigerator."

"Why did the Green Giant get a new lid? Because he always spills the beans."