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Joke of the Day

"How do you email a sandwich? In bytes. *Ba dum tss*"

"[Spider-Man shows up at my house] *I carefully scoop him up on a piece of paper and release him outside my door*"

"I have very bad addiction to wrapping gifts. Every time I open a present, I end up rewrapsing."

"Georgie Porgie puddin 'n pie, jerked off on his girlfriend's eye, when her eye was all stuck shut, Georgie fucked that one eye slut!"

"I would request a bunch of Ambien as my last meal so I would look hardcore as hell by falling asleep at my own execution"

"Why did the football coach call his quarterback a hairdresser? Because he missed a split-end on a curl."

"My dad always said there was nothing wrong with black people He believed everybody should own one"

"I see dead people. No wait, I take that back. I see people I want dead."

"What did the two story house say to its friend after it had just finished working out, and it's friend invited I to a party? I'm two tiered. I came up with this at 1am, enjoy."

"sitting is bad for u, but the standing desk is all wrong. i present to u... *unveils computer hanging from ceiling with a bed underneath it*"