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Joke of the Day

"Georgie Porgie puddin 'n pie, jerked off on his girlfriend's eye, when her eye was all stuck shut, Georgie fucked that one eye slut!"

"When my wife is out of town my sleeping position changes from 'balancing on edge of bed' to 'snow angel'"

"My mother is displeased with me. In other shocking news, water is wet and the sun is bright."

"Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs."

"Why did Adele cross the road? To say HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDE."

"All I'm saying is that the Care Bears gave me some very unrealistic expectations."

"You call it an unfinished window, I call it a draft."

"[Americas Got Talent] ME: *reads an opinion different than mine online without getting offended* JUDGE (under his breath): how'd he do that"

"What did Adam say to Eve the first time he got an erection? ""Stand back, I don't know how big this thing is gonna get!"""

"Why did the feminist get fired from Subway? Because she refused to make a sandwich"