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Joke of the Day

"You know why it's so difficult to put together a baseball team of egotists? Everyone wants to play first."

"Isaac Newton was the pride of the family until his great great grandson Fig was born."

"Turned 18 today, so I bought a locket and put my own picture in it. Guess I really am independent"

"What do you call a gay wildcat? A dandelion"

"Mark Wahlberg's mom: Marky Mark! It's time for a snacky snacky before you take a nappy nap. Mark Wahlberg: Jesus, mom. I'm 44. What snack?"

"This really crashes my belief system. Hilary Clinton spent 40 years building up her career to lose presidency to a man who picked up politics as a hobby last year."

"Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony? The guy that can carry a dozen doughnuts and 2 cups of coffee."

"Clever yo mama jokes The title says it all. Heres one: Yo mama so fat that light bends around her."

"The best part of Hey Jude is when The Beatles realise the lyrics are terrible and think 5 minutes of na-na-na will distract us, and it does."

"If you are living your life without giving an ""f"", You are living a li[ ]e."