125215

Joke of the Day

"The best part of Hey Jude is when The Beatles realise the lyrics are terrible and think 5 minutes of na-na-na will distract us, and it does."

"A husband walks into the bedroom... ... and hands his wife 2 Advils. She says: ""But honey, I don't have a headache!"" ... To which he replies: ""Aha, I got you! Let's have sex then!"""

"Why didn't Jesus cross the road? Because you can't cross a road when your nailed to a cross"

"An apple a day does not keep the doctor away. Look at Steve Jobs."

"Are you seeing someone? Me: Are you seeing someone? Girl: Um, no. Me: Not even a psychiatrist?"

"Bad enough that literally no one showed up for my Super Bowl party today, but now I can't even find the game on tv to watch."

"Life Pro Tip: Putting your phone in airplane mode will stop ads while you play."

"A guy in Saudi Arabia once masturbated, breaking the law of the land. His name? Sheik Dawood."

"I hate when the urinal auto-flushes while I'm still using it. Did I just cease to exist? Am I back now? If not, where am I peeing?"

"Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital. Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend."