20771

Joke of the Day

"I like my women like I like my rice... Hot, white, and with my meat in it."

"What did the apple say to the apple pie? ""You've got some crust."""

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To see his friend Gregory Peck."

"What do you do with dead atoms? Barium"

"I put on my favorite disco album yesterday. My wife tried telling me disco was dead. I said ""No honey, it's not. You're thinking of your mother."

"When someone walks into a room, I like to tap the person next to me and in a loud stage whisper say ""Is that who you were telling me about?"""

"How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized. **x-post r/ScienceHumour**"

"I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet."

"A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""Hey, we have a drink named after you!"" The screwdriver responds, ""You have a drink named Murray?"""

"What has five arms, three legs and a head? The finish line at the Boston Marathon"