191213

Joke of the Day

"My therapist keeps telling me to stop dating women who believe in the healing powers of crystals and I'm all like, ""Nope."""

"""Children, stop biting grandpa's nails... ...or I'll close the coffin!"""

"I like my women like I like my reality shows... ...Naked and Afraid"

"How did the astrologer cross the road? In his Taurus!"

"TIL if you type your password for all to see it gets censored. Look: 1337Penis Edit: GOD DANG IT"

"So two men walked into a bar... The third one ducked."

"What is a long room with many doors called? I'm not sure, I hallways forget"

"Some people should put professional victim on their resume"

"Where was the declaration of independence signed? At the bottom."

"What does a push up bra and a dictatorship have in common? They both oppress those on the inside. They both lie to those on the outside. And they both raise monuments to the fallen."