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Joke of the Day

"When I misplace something and you say ""where did you have it last"" I feel like you don't know what misplace means."

"I told my Chinese friend that I like homemade gifts.... So for Christmas he gave me an iPhone, iPad and an iMac."

"Keep your friends close and your enemies under the front wheels of your vehicle."

"The only two things I hate are Racism and The Portuguese"

"Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony? The one who can bring his friends two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts."

"Girls don't dress for boys, they dress for themselves. If girls dressed for boys, they'd just walk around naked all the time"

"I would rather wander around a store for 9 hours than ask an employee where something is and this I do not understand"

"Wow, the last couple of elections have been great! We had a white president, then a black president, and now an orange one."

"Me: I have to lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise everyday. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet, eat healthy and hit the gym. Me: Is that cake?"

"My mom told me not to kill the spider but to take it out... so I did, we had a few drinks, top lad he is..currently working as a web designer."