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Joke of the Day

"Me: I have to lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise everyday. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet, eat healthy and hit the gym. Me: Is that cake?"

"For sale Dead Budgie Not going cheep"

"""I wasn't that drunk..."" ""Dude, you threw an Iphone in your blender and screamed 'I WANT APPLE JUICE!' """

"this nation needs a monument dedicated to its teens. how about a giant middle finger carved out of a mountainside"

"Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the ref was blowing fowls."

"What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government? Only one of them is organized."

"I used to be addicted... to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around (x-post from /r/jokes)"

"My friend wrote a joke on an egg and gave it to me to share with others. But I forgot and spoiled it."

"I wanted to make sure my kids were safe when they are playing outside.... So I put an ISIS flag in my window. Now my neighbors watch them 24/7."

"A dad joke which you can use.. Young Man: I've come to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. Girl's Father: You've got to take all of her or it's no deal."