207524

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear that they discontinued production on the upcoming Chevy Diode? They found it had trouble going in reverse"

"Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering ""You look fat in those pants""."

"I employed a new gardener and gave him a list of tasks to do, when I returned he had only done tasks 1,3,5 and 7 on the list. Turns out he's an odd job man."

"People say women can do everything men can do. Have women ever successfully oppressed an entire gender?"

"Why don't I enjoy certain middle eastern food? Because it just makes me falafel."

"[1hr before date] Me: (to waiter) So when I order the extra spicy chicken you say 'brave choice sir' and then bring the Lemon Herb chicken"

"What's that smell? What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Hey, do you smell carrots?"

"My girlfriend found lipstick on my collar and thought I was cheating on her so now I only let my collar wear makeup when she's out of town."

"A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them."

"The Police called to my door last night and said ""Your dog was chasing a man on a bike""... ...I said ""Bullshit, my dog doesn't have a bike""."