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Joke of the Day

"[Spoiler] Mark Hamill Star Wars joke Mark Hamill is such a loser he didn't even get a single word in the new Star Wars"

"I learned all I need to know about how to treat my coworkers by watching every Saw movie at least ten times."

"Me: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Me: When you fell from a really high distance. Dating as an atheist is hard."

"Asked my 1st grade students the riddle: What has four fingers and a thumb but is not alive? (A glove.) First response: ""My Aunt Lydia."""

"If your an American before you go in the bathroom and your an American when you come out, what are you when you are in the bathroom? European"

"Green eggs and 9/11 #SadDrSeuss"

"*looks through telescope* *telescope thinks you're looking at him and waves* *you wave at Jupiter behind* *telescope awkwardly lowers hand*"

"Dear people posting pics of things they got for Valentine's Day: Please stop it! Spare us the cheesiness and keep that sh!t to yourself. Sincerely, Single People"

"You think you can escape Stalin's prison camps? Hah, gulag with that."

"What do you say to a feminist with no arms or legs? Nice tits, bitch."