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Joke of the Day

"""You're getting an MFA in English? Wasn't your Bachelor's useless enough for you?"" -second degree burn"

"I like my women like I like my wine... Six years old and locked in a cellar."

"So reddit announced today transparency is important to them. Unless its about Ellen Pao. the end."

"Woman: Why are you begging for a quarter? Beggar: I didn't think someone like you would give me a dollar."

"The riot police are always early. I hear it helps them beat the crowds."

"Say what you will about Clinton being a womanizer But Bush had the Twins go down on him."

"My first wife's breasts were different sizes... One spring I took her down to the beach for a wet T-shirt contest. We took 1st and 3rd place."

"I just tried to follow Tim Howard on twitter... I got blocked."

"I like my women like I like my food. Existent."

"What did the dead magician say? Abra-cadaver"