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Joke of the Day

"Me: yah after the car accident i can barely raise my arm Lawyer: how high could u raise it before Me:*raises arm over head* like this high"

"A fox snuck into the chicken coup last night and killed them all... Authorities were unsure whether to label it a coup d'etat or a henocide..."

"Just figured out what ""CW"" means so now I have to re-read all of Twitter."

"Only a few of you have figured out that in every tweet I've ever written I've been subtweeting Pitbull."

"Having kids is a little like when the free sample lady tries to tell you all about the cheese & you pretend to be interested while you eat."

"I'm uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. Guys."

"How much hummus did the anorexic Arab eat? A tahini bit!"

"Why was 6 happy to see 7? Because 7 ate 9."

"What do pirates and pimps have in common? They both say ""YO HO!"" and walk with a limp."

"TWILIGHT: Taking the N' out of ""Vampire Fangs"", since 2007!"