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Joke of the Day

"A distraught farmer asked a preacher what would happen if he killed a beaver who had begun working near the canal by his farm. ""Damned if you do, dammed if you don't."""

"Paris attack I beat the paris mission in mw3 today"

"Ellen Pao has a good taste for revenge. Lawyers made her look bad, now she makes lawyers look bad. I'll be enjoying my shadow ban, thank you."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? It got its head cut off"

"How do you keep men on their toes? Raise the urinals"

"ME: will it hurt? DR: u ever been stung by like, 500 bees? ME: omg no! DR: ok. that's not what it's gonna feel like. I was just wondering"

"Did you hear about the man who flashed three old ladies sitting on a bench in the park? First old lady had a stroke. Second old lady had a stroke. Third old lady's arm was too short to reach."

"What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions? An algorithm."

"The memory foam in my mattress is probably wishing it could forget me."

"If Hillary debates Trump for 24 hours, what won't you hear? A word of truth."