206895

Joke of the Day

"Sorry I interrupted your wedding dance with a much much better dance"

"What do you call an elf singer? Elvish Presley"

"Why didn't Hitler drink tequila? Because it made him mean."

"Be careful, newbies. Twitter changes you. I used to be Puerto Rican, now I'm Irish."

"If everyone had a gun, we wouldn't have to worry about gun violence. This is why war zones are noted for their safety."

"I've just returned from outer space. I took a book to read while I was up there. I couldn't put it down."

"I'm like a trampoline... My friends know i exist, but they never play with me"

"It's funny how you can do nice things for people all the time and they never notice. But, once you make one mistake, it's never forgotten."

"I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, ""How flexible are you?"" I said, ""I can't make Tuesdays."""

"Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I'm going to need those back."