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Joke of the Day

"Be careful, newbies. Twitter changes you. I used to be Puerto Rican, now I'm Irish."

"What is Heinz Guderian's favorite song? The Blitzkrieg Bop"

"If a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls, they call him a stallion. If a stallion sleeps with a bunch of girls, they shut that riding school down."

"There is no 'I' in 'Denial'"

"If pro is the opposite of con... What's the opposite of progress?"

"What happened to the man who went to court for making deafening noises? He lost his hearing."

"""You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."" ""But after that I'm not responsible for any more room charges, correct?"""

"Been flirting with this hot chick in this bar for almost a hour now. It's only a matter of time now till nothing sexual happens whatsoever."

"So, I'm thinking of getting a sex change. Currently I have none, but I identify as someone who does. EDIT: Changed relate to identify. I think it better that way."

"What do you call a brown guy in between two buildings? Ali."