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Joke of the Day
"There's 3 ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone or forbid your kids to do it."
Next Joke
"What's long, hard, black, wet, and full of seamen? A submarine, you dirty fuck."
"I had my first tweet stolen so now I understand the pain and suffering the families of kidnap victims endure. Stay strong Amy Smart."
"I think it's weird that characters in comic strips always recite the alphabet to fall asleep... ...But it's even weirder that they always time it exactly fucking perfect."
"A man was found dead under an ice-cream truck, covered in chocolate syrup and sprinkles.. Police think he topped himself."
"What is the primary job of an alligator? ...make allegations"
"I wanted to get rid of my body hair through laser hair removal But it grew on me"
"I just seen someone update their status on Facebook to ""I Wish Every Guy Was Like Jack From The Titanic."" What... Dead at the bottom of the ocean?"
"Remember when you first joined twitter and you had no idea how to RT or what favstar was and remembered what your family looked like?"
"""I'm gonna look to my left and run as fast as I can."" - Toddlers"