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Joke of the Day

"Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge"

"We save a lot of money on Halloween costumes by having naturally ugly children."

"What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving? Twerky I'll show myself out."

"My friend told me Kanye West was the next John Lennon I replied ""Then I'll be the next Mark David Chapman"""

"Why did the restaurant on the moon fail? They barely had any atmosphere."

"When decorating your tween daughter's room, don't forget to leave ample space for half the glasses in your kitchen."

"Anyone heard that joke going around about paper? I thought it was pretty tearable."

"My friend told me she's going back to school for Psychiatry... I said: ""That's crazy talk."""

"So I finally got around to watching the Twin Tower attacks 9/11 would watch again."

"Why was the criminal's argumentative essay so good? He had some outstanding warrants."