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Joke of the Day

"Police: How did they break in? Me: I have a fake garden rock w/a key inside. Police: They found it? Me: They threw it through the window."

"The earthquake shortened Earth's day by 1.8 microseconds, so don't expect me to get everything done this week."

"Therapist: Are you a man or a mouse? Mickey: Quite frankly, I was hoping you could tell me."

"Statistics never show how many accidents each year are the direct result of a guy checking out some chick's ass."

"can't now.. having an heated argument with my toaster."

"Wanna hear a joke? Modern society"

"First date with a hummingbird: You're moving too fast."

"Toy Story (1995) - A cowboy & a deluded astronaut battle over who gets to sleep with a 6-year-old boy."

"Whenever I see a new couple on a date I walk up to their table, hold up my phone and tell the guy ""You're Wife Sarah says hello""."

"Girl, are you a jar in my parents' fridge? Because I have absolutely no way of knowing how old you are."