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Joke of the Day

"Police: How did they break in? Me: I have a fake garden rock w/a key inside. Police: They found it? Me: They threw it through the window."

"Did you know that there is an elephant at Bush Gardens? That's what I call my crotch."

"How does Albus get into Hogwarts? Through the Dumble-door"

"WIFE: He treats our marriage like it's a talk show THERAPIST: Is this true? ME: *turns and winks at camera* We'll find out after the break"

"What's Beethoven doing in his grave? He's decomposing."

"Q: What do you call it when a book spies on people? A: A peeping tome."

"Why do women parachutists wear jock straps? So they don't whistle on the way down."

"What did the midget say in the crowded elevator? You guys are a bunch of assholes."

"Why do I have to answer security questions to pay my bills? Ohmygod please tell me there are hackers out there trying to pay my bills...."

"Why is it good that the Vietnamese man won first place? It's a Nguyen-win situation."