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Joke of the Day
"What did Ahab yell out to Moby Dick as it swam away? Catch you later!"
Next Joke
"If you ever feel useless... Remember there is a someone in the BMW factory installing turn signals."
"Why can a penguin never win Best Actor? Because it is part black."
"My favorite part of eating alone at this trendy restaurant was when the waitress asked if I had cats because I had cat hair, ""all over."""
"For some people, blood on the toothbrush is a sign of gum disease.... ...But for me it's a sign of a healthy abortion."
"Me: You should really try this lip gloss Her: this is super glue Me: HEAR ME OUT"
"It's so insulting when people think they need to explain simple things to me. I mean like, don't consume I'm dumb n shit, you know?"
"Told my coworker to shut up or I would slash his tires. He laughed, I laughed. Now I'm by his car with a knife and I can hear sirens. :("
"When the cashier asks for my signature, I just write ""HELP ME"" while maintaining eye contact"
"Potassium and Oxygen went on a date. It was OK."