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Joke of the Day

"If you ever feel useless... Remember there is a someone in the BMW factory installing turn signals."

"They canceled school and reminded everyone to ""Prepare for a blackout"" I've got 2 bottles of Vodka and percocet Blackout is *so happening*"

"If you yawn when you're alone it's because there's a ghost in the room and he yawned first."

"I ate too much bread at the Indian restaurant during lunch today. It was a naan issue."

"The past, present, and future walk into a bar.. It was tense."

"What is 6 inches long 2 inches wide and makes a woman crazy? $100 bill."

"Roses are brown Violets are brown Who took a shit in my garden?"

"Priests, TV personalities and now MPs guilty of bum fidderling no wonder us children of the 70/80s bang on about playing outside all day...who the f*ck would have wanted to go indoors"

"A Sober Irishman... ."

"Two back desk orchestral players go fishing And one falls out of the boat. He screams: ""help, I don't know how to swim!"" His partner replies: ""just fake it!"""