206424

Joke of the Day

"When I was a child I could go into a shop with just a pound, and come out with 3 bars of chocolate, 2 cans of coke and a magazine. But these days, fucking CCTV everywhere."

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"I made my first snowman today... It was so white it's already been nominated to Trump's Cabinet."
"Bring in 2015 the same way you came into this world. Naked and screaming."
"My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job"
"If someone's Twitter picture has 2 or more people in it, I write a letter to my senator."
"Did you hear about a vampire that joined the Nazi party? He was nazi in the mirror as well."
"Where do poor noodles live? The spaghetto."
"My pet mouse Elvis died today He was caught in a trap"
"Me: I'm completely lost. What's going on in this movie? Him: Lin, I just hit play 90 seconds ago. Me: Wow! New record."
"What breed will Donald Trumps dog be if he wins the election? A Border Collie"