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Joke of the Day

"My dad just text me, ""I'm fleeing the cuntry."" I'm like, ""Wtf does that mean"". His reply? ""Your mom."""

"Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope's car."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Barry ! Barry who ? Barry the dead !"

"I've always been a B+ student. It's in my blood."

"Did you hear about the tragic crash of the small plane into the cemetery? So far they've recovered 324 bodies."

"A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto."

"I don't know what base that was, but thank you TSA."

"My dogs are barking a lot lately but I think it is because their performance appraisals are coming up"

"My wife and I do this cute thing where she sends me pics of kitchen towels she can't decide on buying and I google my life expectancy."

"They told me if you put your newborn in front of an orphanage he would grow up an Orphan So I stuck my baby in the ATM machine so he could grow up to be a rich banker"