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Joke of the Day

"The Road Runner is a pretentious, cocky fucking asshole and deserves to be eaten. Beep beep that shit, motherfucker."

"What do you call unborn twins? Wombmates."

"Trust me, it might sound like a clever idea, but if you're being frisked by a hot TSA agent, do NOT tell her, ""my balls are the bomb."""

"[2011, pakistan, seal team 6 enters the compound] ""chief, something has brought the boys to the yard"" bin laden [making a milkshake]: SHIT"

"Why are schools red? You would be too if you had 7 periods a day."

"What separates man from animals? According to Donald Trump, the wall he is going to build."

"Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she has no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally, she has no arms."

"Lawyer: so tell me, why was my client's mouth bleeding? Dentist: he doesn't floss Me: You hit me! D: [puts lips on mic] bc you don't floss"

"My pick-up line ""Hey girl are you a fallen angel? Because your face looks like it hit concrete."""

"""I'd kill you if I thought I could get away with it"".......things that were said to me during my divorce. Hey guy's, she's available!"