206169

Joke of the Day

"wish hard enough & anything can happen, they say. yet two hours later my stomach growls & my breakfast still isn't making itself. liars!"

"Before I had kids I never really reflected on life's little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?"

"What do Wesson and KY have in common? Despite it being technically accurate, they'd both prefer you not refer to their products as ""rape oil"""

"My favorite criminal intent: Robin Hood camping."

"Fat girls just want to have Funyuns."

"Some people have difficulties sleeping... but I can do it with my eyes closed."

"He who laughs last thinks slowest."

"When people write, ""your dumb,"" maybe it's not a typo--they just mean stupidity belongs to you. ""Here's your dumb now leave."""

"Why are artificial intelligences in movies always female? Because they're never wrong"

"Why did Sally Fall off the swing? [kind of rude] Because she has no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally."