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Joke of the Day

"BABY: WAAAAAAA- ME: Shhhh, it's okay. BABY: -AAAAAAAA- ME: shhhh.... BABY: -AAAAAALUIGI! ME: wtf BABY: (whispering) No one will believe you."

"How did Helen Keller discover masturbation? Trying to read her own lips."

"Why was the Windows PC broke? It ran out of cache."

"a 3 year old daughter * her - will i have a baby in my belly some day? * her dad - if u want to.. * her - no, that place is for candies"

"My programmer friend keeps telling me I'm using too many brackets. I keep telling him that two wont hold all those books he never reads."

"""Oh hello, I didn't see you there!"" - Translation: I have failed to avoid you"

"What do army ants have in common with masturbating dolphins? Both come in waves..."

"We all know the old saying ""I named my dick 'The Truth' cause bitches can't handle it..."" I call mine ""The Plea Bargain"" cause ladies only take it as a last resort."

"What film do you get when you pull your pants down? Free Willy"

"2,000 calories of junk food costs just $3.52 a day. 2,000 calories of dense nutritional foods costs $36.32 a day. No wonder people are fat."