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Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you cross a pig with a karate expert? A pork chop."

"Dad owl: I'm dying so I need you to look after things. I'm going to give you- Son owl: Don't say it Dad: Power of a tawny Son: [turns head]"

"Just got off the phone with my mom. She had a good chat. Unrelated, there are 1273 Cheerios left in this box."

"Some things are better left unsaid, but I'm probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway."

"I used to love correcting people's grammar until I realized what I loved more was having friends."

"Sometimes, we waste too much time to think about someone who doesn't even think about us for a second."

"People are like books. You can't judge them by appearance alone and it's not cool to burn a big pile of them."

"My costume budget is pretty slim, so I'm going as 'disinterested millennial' for Halloween this year."

"If you're havin' girl problems I feel bad for you, son. We live in a patriarchal society where they're not considered as important or valid."

"Did you hear about the Mexican carpet salesman? He was sacked for only selling Underlay!"