206079
Joke of the Day
"I recently joined a group for ambidextrous people. It didn't feel right, so I left."
Next Joke
"It's a beautiful day to sit outside and stare into your phone."
"[in ambulance after being shot] can we [coughs blood] stop at Taco Bell? ""Don't be stupid! [turns around while driving] of course we can"""
"What's the worst thing about a blowjob from an anorexic girl? They never swallow."
"""No, no, I said I'm a PEDALPHILE. I'm super into bicycling. So that's a no go on the job now, huh?"""
"[First Date] Me: ""I'm sorry. It's just that I've been burned before."" *Stuffs handful of fries through visor in hazmat suit *Closes visor"
"Eleven: We're not allowed to wear spaghetti straps at school. The straps must be at least 2 inches wide. Six: Oh yeah, lasagna straps."
"what kind of vegetable is the hypest a turnup obvs"
"Just like Hitler with the tiny mustache, Kim Jong-Un is ruining that haircut for everyone else."
"I am so old I need a selfie stick to read my own phone."