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Joke of the Day
"I like my pizza like I like my women... Hot and delivered to my house."
Next Joke
"ME (wearing Tommy Hilfiger): ready to go? GF: not until u put on something less hideous TOMMY HILFIGER (climbs off me): that was unnecessary"
"Sorry I ate all your cake after you passed out and then drew your angry eyebrows on so you'd be ready to discuss it when you woke up."
"What's the difference between friends and potatoes? Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water."
"What do you call a green man sitting on my porch? My n*gger and I'll paint him whatever color I want."
"Stole my neighbors family portrait & got it tattooed on my back. Now I'm standing in their living room facing the wall 2 see if they notice."
"911: What's your emergency? Me: Whatcha dooooin'? 911: Sir, are you in danger? Me: *giggles* You're always so worried, but I'm fine, silly"
"My boyfriend got pissed because I didn't swallow. Is it my fault I have a nut allergy?"
"Howdeepisthepool? He had too much to drink before he went swimming!"
"6 pack abs on a guy are nice but it probably means that he won't get drunk & rob a convenient store of cheese curls w/me at 3am, so no."