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Joke of the Day

"6 pack abs on a guy are nice but it probably means that he won't get drunk & rob a convenient store of cheese curls w/me at 3am, so no."

"A doctor, a midget, a monk and an indian is at a bar when ... ... a blonde suddenly walks in. M. Night Shyamalan shouts ""Cut!"". The blonde fainted."

"""There's a party in my pants!"" Sadly, they only RSVP I've received was from myself."

"What do you call it when you kill someone with your bad breath from a long distance away? No scope"

"Sex with three people is called a threesome, and two people is a twosome Now I know why everyone calls you handsome"

"Every time I go for a run I think ""why am I even doing this?"" Then I look back and see all the cops chasing me and it's like ""oh yeah, duh."""

"Like every good global citizen I've reduced my power consumption by 50% by running all my power off the neighbours while they're on vacation"

"On the phone to the chinese food place & my cat's all chatty... I cover the receiver and hiss ""Shhh, you want them to hear you?"""

"Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but I hear the reception was excellent."

"A Jewish boy walks up to his father and says, ""Dad, can I have fifty dollars?"" The father looks at him and says, ""Forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?"""