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Joke of the Day

"Stole my neighbors family portrait & got it tattooed on my back. Now I'm standing in their living room facing the wall 2 see if they notice."

"I'm introducing a new calendar system: B.C. = Before Children. A.D. = After Divorce."

"I get confused by Burqas. I accidentally posted a letter in a Muslim woman yesterday."

"6: Mommy where are you putting your cameltoe this year? Me: 6: I like it Me: It's mistletoe son"

"What is the best way to follow a lost dog's paw prints? With a track-tor!"

"A tornado hit a local dairy farm. Da-Brie was scattered everywhere!"

"Next time you're having a bad day just remember that alligators spend their whole lives looking like they're trying to do a push-up."

"Everything's made in China except babies... ...those are made in vachina."

"What are green and smell like pork? Kermit's fingers"

"The lord said to John ""Come forth and receive eternal life""... But John came in fifth and won a toaster instead."