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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between friends and potatoes? Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water."

"Have any of you heard back from D yet? DEEZ NUTZ HAHA GOT EM"

"I'm not a competitive person I'll be the first to admit it."

"Hey there's this new diet that can help lose pounds fast! Its called the Brexit"

"I always eat Eggs Benedict on a foam plate Because there's no plate like foam for the hollandaise."

"It's time for dirty limericks! There once was a lady from Decatur Who got laid by a large alligator. But nobody knew The result of that screw Because after he laid her, he ate her."

"-hey lucifer. did it hurt -did what hurt -when you fell from heaven -for the last time gabriel i am not going out with you"

"I won't visit /r/aww Its nothing but kitty porn"

"I was going to tell you a time-travel joke... ... but someone reposted it, so you will hear it then."

"I walked into an explosives shop the other day and wanted to buy a grenade with my debit card. It all went horribly wrong when the cashier asked for my pin."