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Joke of the Day

"I used to be a sadistic necrophiliac with a penchant for beastiality... Then I realized I was just beating a dead horse."

"*stands in front yard, hands on hips, giving each autumn leaf that falls on my lawn a stern, disapproving look*"

"I like my women like I like my dick... ...kept in a dark place and taken out to be beaten every once in a while"

"I went to a sperm bank to make a donation. This guy in the lobby came with me."

"What animal lives on the farm and says ""moo""? A bilingual chicken"

"I hate when I wake up in the morning hungover with penises drawn on my face, Especially since I was drinking alone last night"

"Do you remember when you used to blow bubbles? Well he's back in town and said he misses you."

"Jake Roper from Vsauce 3 is cancer. too soon?"

"Where was the NSAs wire taps when the McCallisters were leaving messages w all the neighbors that Kevin was abandoned & alone? Thanks Obama."

"Jaws is exceptionally funny if you just imagine the shark is trying to be friends with the guys on the boat and they keep running away."