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Joke of the Day

"*stands in front yard, hands on hips, giving each autumn leaf that falls on my lawn a stern, disapproving look*"

"A Mexican magician tells an audience he can disappear at the could of three. He counts ""One, two, *poof*"" He disappeared without a tres."

"[invention of kissing] WEIRD PERSON: Hey let me lick the inside of your mouth EVEN WEIRDER PERSON: Ok"

"My rock band got a gig at the baseball game. I played first bass."

"I thought all the men at my gym were being exceptionally nice for a Monday morning but turns out my workout pants are just see-through."

"A man goes to the library... and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, ""Fuck off, you won't bring it back."""

"The people who wear Bluetooth headsets always look like the people least likely to ever receive phone calls."

"Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who's sick of her bullshit."

"My voicemail greeting: Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me."

"Miles Davis Is 1,6 times longer than his European cousin Kilometers Davis"