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Joke of the Day

"I went to a sperm bank to make a donation. This guy in the lobby came with me."

"Son, do we have any dop Ted? son: what's a ""dop Ted""? dad: you are, you are adopted!! son: ... Nice one dad. dad: I'm not your dad. (Dad joke at its finest, credit: Kris Wilson)"

"I overheard a midget complaining to a police officer that his pocket had been picked. The officer said 'I can't believe anyone would stoop that low."

"The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened. "

"I really lack the words to compliment myself today."

"How is a moil like a mashgiach? (How is the person who circumcises infants like the person who inspects kosher restaurants?) Their job is to make sure there's no cheese on the meat!"

"Mickey Mouse and Minnie are in divorce court... The judge asks, ""So what's going on Mickey, is she just crazy or something?"" Mickey replies, ""No, your Honor. She's fucking Goofy."""

"What's heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds."

"It's like my golf instructor thinks I'm mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club."

"[DEATH ROW] WARDEN: Last meal? CON: Just a glass of lemonade please *Drinks lemonade/Burps* WARDEN: Pardon [CON WALKS FREE] W: SHIT"