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Joke of the Day

"A Jewish child needs some money So he asks his father, ""Father, may I have fifty dollars?"" The father says ""Fifty dollars?! What do you need forty dollars for? I don't even have thirty dollars!"""

"Hi, I'm Captain Morgan and this is my uptight brother, J.P."

"I would like to tell you a remarkably sophisticated joke........... What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing, because they were both stuck up cunts."

"Someone asked me how I view lesbian relationships. Apparently ""in HD"" isn't the right answer."

"A clean house is the sign of a broken computer."

"My doctor told me I need to stop masturbating I asked why, he said something about examining me. Lets see what you got Reddit. Keep the title and change the punchline."

"*at hostage negotiation class Prof: Let's go around and say why we're here Man: I joined the NYPD Woman: I'm in the FBI Me: I have a toddler"

"Ever notice it's only ""stalking"" if the person doing the stalking is unattractive."

"Julius Caesar goes into a bar... ... and asks for a martinus. Puzzled, the bartender asks, ""Do you mean a martini?"" ""No. Just one, please."""

"What do you call someone with a successful life? Certainly not me."