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Joke of the Day

"What's it called when a priest is always late? Collared people's time"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side (as in, heaven). Congrats you've just learned why that joke is that joke. Have a good day, faggot."

"forrest gump (1994): this film gave me very unrealistic expectations of what my life would be like as a huge idiot. 2/10"

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? I don't know. It kept breaking my guitar strings so I gave up."

"Why did the horse stir his cereal with his hoof? Because he wanted to feel his oats!"

"Yeah, I'm allergic to wheat, but I really like it so I eat it anyway. I'm a real gluten for punishment."

"What do you call a dead pigeon? A pige-out ...made it myself..."

"When the doctor told me that he had fitted a thermostat instead of a pacemaker, I was livid. It made my blood boil."

"I hope I don't get bitten by a vampire when I'm old and have to spend eternity as a senior citizen."

"It's funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim."