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Joke of the Day

"forrest gump (1994): this film gave me very unrealistic expectations of what my life would be like as a huge idiot. 2/10"

"The streaker was thinking about retiring... but he decided to stick it out another year."

"Today a man knocked on my door And asked for a donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water."

"Just cause something is your middle name doesn't mean you do it all the time. My middle name is sexhaver. Lol ok, bad example, but"

"Where do twin lesbians party? Klondike Bar"

"My strong stance on drinking milk straight from the carton has met with no opposition from people who haven't caught me yet."

"How do magicians retire? They seem to just disappear."

"Your mommas so fat That when she posted to /r/gonewild they renamed the sub /r/earthporn"

"My cattle ate my entire pot field. The steaks have never been higher."

"The gay marriage referendum was just passed in Ireland. The number of married gay Irish couples will be Dublin."