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Joke of the Day

"402 year old woman pulled out of Nepal earthquake rubble survives for 100 years without food or water Fucking one upping bullshit headlines."

"what's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair"

"what did the emo say to the dull razor? Sorry old friend... You just won't cut it"

"""I'll never forget you Jack"" ""Can I float on that wood too, Rose?"" ""I'll always remember you"" ""Seems like there's room for--"" ""Goodbye Jack"""

"What do you get when you drop a piano in a coal mine? A flat minor. Night... Don't forget to tip your waitress"

"The best part about talking to a narcissist is how there isn't any pressure to add to the conversation."

"When abroad, James Bond is known as +44 07"

"My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size the more trustworthy the data. I guess the N's justify the means."

"Why does a dinosaur climb a tree? To get in his nest."

"So a duck walks into a pharmacy... and asks the pharmacist, ""Do you have any chapstick?"" When the pharmacist hands it to him, the duck replies ""Thanks, just put it on my bill!"""