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Joke of the Day
"The funniest part about The Bachelor is the participants actually think being married is a prize."
Next Joke
"Trying to argue with someone over text is like being Italian and trying to talk with handcuffs on"
"I don't get sports lingo. It's always offsides this, penalty that, murder this, sexual assault that."
"I love my lungs... ...they have a place very close to my heart."
"It was raining... The man blotting his wet shoes with newspapers, explained, ""These are The Times that dry men's soles."""
"Before I really understood sarcasm people would say things like ""oh, well look who it is"" and I'd be like ""it's me Karen, I'm your daughter"""
"If I'm ever on Jeopardy I hope the final category isn't ""Can You Tell These Mumford & Sons Songs Apart."""
"[is being given CPR by my ex girlfriend] ""do you know how many heart attacks I had to fake before they sent you."""
"2 atoms walk into a bar One atom says to the other, ""Oh no, I've lost an electron!"" The other asks ""Are you sure?"" To which the atom replies, ""I'm positive!"""
"Wanna hear a joke about a stupid person? well, too bad. I can't talk to you over the internet. Stupid."