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Joke of the Day

"How do you get half of Mexico to jump off a cliff? Throw a penny off. How do you get the other half to jump too? ... Tell them no one found it yet."

"How to you read a book? Just reddit."

"Doctor is rummaging through his bag looking for a pen... He pulls out a rectal thermometer instead, ""Ah goddammit some asshole has my pen!"""

"Q: What did King Kong say when he saw the Statue of Liberty? A: Are you my mother?"

"Katie Price and Osama Bin Laden have topped a poll of most unpopular people to sit next to on a plane, but to be fair, with either one a blow job is guaranteed."

"Note to self: Do NOT try shopping for a pearl necklace online. Ever. Again."

"Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending 50 one buck at a time to panhandlers on the street."

"I've seen homeless guys who keep their boxes in better shape than some girls keep theirs."

"No, I can't make it to your hair washing party tonight. I'm washing my h... erm i mean my dog ate my grandmother is dead."

"Instead of saying a package is Family Size, it'd be more helpful if it listed a time frame, like 3 Hours Worth of Cookies."