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Joke of the Day

"I love my wife My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deepthroat blowjob today. ""Really!"" I exclaimed. ""No,"" She said, ""April Foogargagggrraggggle."" That'll teach her to try and be funny..."

"I'm not feeling very well today, I have constipation But I couldn't give a shit"

"Just found out my friend's wife is pregnant They say they don't know the sex, but I am fairly certain it wasn't anal"

"My bank statement is just a record of everything I've eaten for the last month."

"People that say ""God never gives you more than you can handle"" never met my ex-girlfriend."

"-Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes. -He has sex with fish? -He's dead. -I'm not surprised. Having sex with fish doesn't sound very safe."

"Be sure that you go straight home after school I can't I live just round the corner !"

"Teacher: In 1940 what were the Poles doing in Russia ? Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !"

"Well, I did it again. I focused on the one person at the concert who annoyed me and let it ruin my whole night."

"What do you call the history of a car? An autobiography."