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Joke of the Day

"People that say ""God never gives you more than you can handle"" never met my ex-girlfriend."

"My parents asked me if I wanted to watch Dumb and Dumber with them tonight.. When I went downstairs the debate was on."

"poetic injustice ITS ALWAYS BEEN A LIFELONG WISH TO MAKE LOVE TO A CONTORTIONIST AFTER YEARS OF PLAYING ALL THE ANGLES IT LOOKS LIKE I'LL NEVER BE ENTANGLED"

"(No spoilers) What did Daredevil say after begrudgingly agreeing with The Punisher's brutally honest opinion that he's just a half-measure? ""You're such a Frank Castle."""

"Fitness guru just tweeted ""remember to breathe"" and it was pure luck that I got the message in time."

"You gotta give it up to whoever invented mistletoe at Christmas, all they did was hang up a weed, but were like, ""now ye must kiss me."""

"Did you hear about the shoe store that was looted during the Ferguson riots ? They took all the sneakers in the store but left all the work boots."

"I like to tell people my wife was top of her class until she learned about drugs in college. She got her degree in pharmacy and was in the top 5 in her graduating class."

"Don't mess around with asexuals They don't fuck around."

"Knock knock. Who's there? Mormons."