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Joke of the Day

"My bank statement is just a record of everything I've eaten for the last month."

"What do you call a teacher who doesn't flatulate in public. A private tutor. -Credits to my cousin ;)"

"* 50 pushups * * 100 situps * * Runs 3 miles * My exercise program is really going great since I switched to all asterisk actions."

"Pete and Marco Rubio are on a boat. Pete falls off. Who is left? Marco Rubio"

"Why wasn't toto as excited as dorothy when they traveled the yellow brick road? he missed the rains down in africa"

"*Judge raises hammer* ""I SENTENCE YOU TO LIFE"" -*defendant chuckles* ""I'm already alive you MORON!"""

"Spilled my bottle of sleeping pills, and now they're wide awake."

"First, there was planking, then owling and milking, now there's Harlem Shaking. If the next trend could be thinking, that would be great."

"My dad's the real winner of this election... He passed away last week."

"What was Rob Bartlett's go-to line in his WackyPaki comedian routine? Take my wife, if you would be so kind."