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Joke of the Day

"Love is a decision. I have decided not to smother my husband with his pillow. Our love will live another day."

"I was looking at my bank statement and realized I was a .1 percent-er I don't know why anyone wants to be one, it's a crappy interest rate."

"A man goes to a psychiatrist ""Doctor, I don't know what to do. My wife thinks she's a piano."" Doctor says ""Well, bring her in."" ""Are you *nuts*? Do you know what it costs to move a piano?"""

"If I ever have a stroke I'm going to tell kids that stare I was making a face when the wind changed and then I had a stroke."

"Two Muffins are sitting in an oven One Muffin looks at the other and says: ""Boy, it sure is hot in here"" The other muffin turns and screams; ""Holy Crap! A talking Muffin!"""

"They're really just ""Grammer Nazis"" But the media keeps calling them ""Alt-Write"""

"A Freudian slip is... when you say one thing, and mean amother."

"A priest, a rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar He buys a beer."

"There is a disturbing amount of product placement in my dreams."

"I heard apple was going straight to the iPhone 7 I guess it won't be very 6s-ful"