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Joke of the Day

"I was looking at my bank statement and realized I was a .1 percent-er I don't know why anyone wants to be one, it's a crappy interest rate."

"Does Bill Cosby like puddin? Yeah, puddin his dick where it doesn't belong."

"Ripped a mole off my face today... Gotta stop looking down gopher holes..."

"""He sure seems like a nice young man"" is Grandma-speak for ""I'd totally hit that."""

"If you had more money you'd be happier."

"Blind man walks past a fishmongers ""hello ladies!"""

"a jew, a christian, and a muslim walk into a bar in the holyland hey it could happen, just not on a friday, saturday or sunday"

"What did Dracula say to the teacher? See you next period."

"Him: What? I couldn't understand you. Me: gnbkfshbffjjg H: What?! Me: GNBKFSHBFFJJG! H: Damnit Aimee! Take the burrito out of your mouth!"

"Let's hope the zombie apocalypse doesn't start in Kenya because there is no way any of us can outrun those fuckers."