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Joke of the Day

"I taped Scooby Doo at 2am without realizing the commercials would change & now my 5 year old won't stop saying, ""Hot single ladies!""."

"What did the Mexican shopkeeper say to the thief? That's Nachos."

"Coming soon to the USA... #Mexit"

"Did I tell you about the time I was going down on my grandmother? All I could taste was horse semen... So I thought to myself, ""this must be how she died!"""

"What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans? The black one steals your watch and stabs you."

"Micky and Minnie Mouse get Divorced The Lawyers says to Micky: ""so you're getting a divorce because Minnie's crazy you say?"" Micky replies frustrated:""No she's not crazy she's fucking goofy!"""

"What's the difference between a fraternity and a gang? Gangs don't have to pay for friends."

"A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor says to him ""you need to stop masturbating."" The man asks ""why?"" The doctor replies ""because i'm trying to examine you."""

"At this point most of the hugs I'm involved in are just my kids using me as a napkin."

"I accidentally gave my girlfriend a glue stick instead of chapstick... She's still not talking to me :("