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Joke of the Day

"Micky and Minnie Mouse get Divorced The Lawyers says to Micky: ""so you're getting a divorce because Minnie's crazy you say?"" Micky replies frustrated:""No she's not crazy she's fucking goofy!"""

"In third grade a boy gave me a valentine that said ""You're the Obi Wan for me"" and that's the highlight of my entire dating experience."

"What does FIAT stand for? Fix It Again Tony"

"How do you know someone is a Bernie Sanders supporter? Don't worry, he'll fucking tell you."

"I can't wait for Kim Kardashian to get old"

"[Walks into a bar] A forgetful women of three children walks into a bar, intensely focused on knitting a sweater for her eldest... Whoops, wrong thread."

"Why did the little girl in the flower dress fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms."

"I hate little dogs. I can only love dogs that could kill me."

"Whenever I meet a girl with tattoos, I get excited. Because I know she's legal and willing to do stuff she may regret."

"I'll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn't just put the dots in shape of the actual letters."