204424
Joke of the Day
"How do you piss off /r/jokes? Jokes: son-of-a-b***h"
Next Joke
"What do you do if your partner starts smoking? Slow down. Use lube."
"INTERVIEWER: How would you define yourself? ME: *don't let her know you're a delicious chocolate cake* Moist"
"What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays."
"I wouldn't say I'm superstitious, just a little stitious."
"Rehab is for quitters, and Lindsay Lohan is no quitter."
"Me: I bet you die before you figure out how to text me back. *3 years later* Grandma: Fuck you bitch. Say bye to your inheritance"
"My wife's late for work because I unplugged her alarm so I could charge my phone. She's mad, but at least I can tell you guys about it."
"Pedophiles may be bad people... ... but at least they drive slow through the school zones"
"Exposed Ashley Madison users feel hurt & betrayed, unsure if they can ever trust again."