20438

Joke of the Day

"I always date mathematicians. That way when they ask why I'm breaking up w/them I can say DO THE MATH JERRY. Oh yeah & I always date Jerries"

"What do you tell a girl with 2 black eyes? NSFW Nothing! You already told that bitch twice."

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. It's their job to help people find their way in dark places! (MASH s1 ep7)"

"If you slowly put your fingers in someone's mouth, they will quit telling you about their day at work."

"Apparently it's not enough to just show up, you need to be wearing pants as well."

"Why is it I barely have any signal in my house but the fucking Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan??"

"Where were these Terrorists when Seth Rogen did the Green Hornet?!?!?"

"What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish"

"What's the #1 song in Ukraine? Crimea River"

"MY ROOMBA IS SOMEHOW LOOSE OUTDOORS AND I'M TERRIFIED OF THE CONSEQUENCES FOR THE ECOSYSTEM AS IT HAS NO NATURAL PREDATORS."